“Even though I thought I ruined the trip, there was still a seat at the table for GRACE”
Last November, Emily moved from Seattle to SoCal knowing 2 people. One random Wednesday afternoon, I received a text from my friend Julie saying something like “My old co-worker has a new roommate that is looking for a church. I’m bringing her tonight! I would love for you to meet her!”. Sure, I'll meet her! I was introduced to Emily and heard that she moved here from Seattle. Oh gosh, I love Seattle. Some of my family lives there, and the trees are my absolute favorite (exploring Vance Creek Bridge is something my family and I will never forget). I wanted to hear more about her journey from Seattle to SoCal. That night, I got to hear why she moved, what she left behind, and what she felt like God was revealing to her in this season. I knew at that moment, Emily’s story is so powerful (check out her sweet blog HERE)! A week later, we got to sit across the table from each other at Whole Foods — sipping on some kombucha (duh!) and talking about life, hikes, and our “what’s next?”. Five months later, there have been many days filled with laughter, snacking on plantain chips, and late nights watching CoryxKenshin Youtube videos. Em has become such a dear friend of mine.
A few weeks ago, Em and I put down in our calendars “Joshua Tree Adventure” for a Sunday after church. With Emily being new to SoCal, I knew I had to show her one of my favorite national parks. It’s a few hours outside of where we live, so WHY NOT!?
We packed up our bags and left to J Tree. We arrived around 5pm to our campsite, set up camp (we ripped our tent…that’s a story for another time), and decided to head on over to this view I remembered exploring a few months back. I knew it would be perfect for sunset and pictures of course!
We decided to go on the other side of the mountains where there weren’t any tourists, but still a beautiful view. We found a part of the mountain that had perfect lighting. During this moment, I felt so empowered to take photos and film something that was different. So life giving.
We eventually switched rolls and Emily started taking photos of me. I noticed a rock Em was sitting on a few seconds ago and pictured such a fun photo in my head. “Alright, I’m going to stand on this rock!”. As I began to get my footing and straighten my legs, I could tell I was losing my balance. Yup, you guessed it, I fell off of the rock. I did a 360 flip backyards, down the hill, hitting my head and leg on the rocks below me. After the flip, I found my footing, stood up, and said “I’M FINE!”.
Em, who watched the whole thing, was shocked. Half laughing and concerned, she responded “You’re NOT fine! You’re bleeding!”. Of course that made me laugh too…until I started feeling the pain.
At that point, I began to get really irritated. At the rock, my Walmart sandals, the blood down my leg, myself.
I began thinking “Gosh, I am so stupid. Why did I stand up on the rock? I could have totally prevented that from happening”. We got back to the car and I began to wash off the blood from my leg.
Emily could tell I was irritated and upset at myself with what just happened. One thing I distinctly remember her asking me in that moment of my frustration was “What do you need right now?”.
“Encouragement, please.”
I was defeated. I felt like I ruined this short trip — now we have to take care of my wounds. I am such a burden. Ugh.
After my answer, I received encouragement and much more. Emily wiped the blood from my feet, opened a safe space for me to cry and process what just happened, and continued to remind me “Taylor, you did not ruin the trip”.
Even though I thought I ruined the trip, there was still a seat at the table for Grace.
I have learned these past couple of months that I am hard on myself — in the way I execute projects, share my feelings, my body image, falling off of this rock…
“9 For I am the least worthy of all the apostles, and I shouldn’t even be called an apostle at all after the way I treated the church of God. 10 But whatever I am now it is all because God poured out such kindness and grace upon me—and not without results: for I have worked harder than all the other apostles, yet actually I wasn’t doing it, but God working in me, to bless me. 11 It makes no difference who worked the hardest, I or they; the important thing is that we preached the Gospel to you and you believed it.” (1 Corinthians 15:9-11 TLB)
Check out Paul’s perspective of God’s grace. Paul explains that his transformation from life taker, to becoming someone representing the ultimate life giver, was only possible by Jesus’ death and resurrection and God’s kindness on his life.
Just like Emily shared with me that I did not ruin this trip due to my mistake, God perfectly shares with us that He will fulfill His promises and plans in our lives when we die to ourselves (mistakes and all), and grow in a new life with Christ.
“…When you put a seed into the ground it doesn’t grow into a plant unless it “dies” first. 37 And when the green shoot comes up out of the seed, it is very different from the seed you first planted. For all you put into the ground is a dry little seed of wheat or whatever it is you are planting, 38 then God gives it a beautiful new body—just the kind he wants it to have; a different kind of plant grows from each kind of seed. 39 And just as there are different kinds of seeds and plants, so also there are different kinds of flesh. Humans, animals, fish, and birds are all different.” (1 Corinthians 15:36-39 TLB)
I am encouraged by Paul’s imagery of God’s grace.
God doesn't define me by my mistakes. He doesn’t remind me of my flaws. He doesn’t view me as a burden.
God’s grace defines me as anew, afresh, and alive.
